Saturday, December 8, 2012
there waasnt any room for me during the holidays to begin with.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Tell me, how do I go on studying with things like that happening? She makes it sound like everything's her fault. And I'm not even complaining about anything. I never said she didn't try hard enough or what. I didn't ask her to lie. One week 7 days. I see her once a week but no time together. So it's just seeing her 1 time a week. And then going out? She's so busy for me that she won't have time to watch a movie with me. She makes it seem like I'm creating a lot of trouble for her when she is the one cresting the troubles herself. She makes things too complicated.
Should I let go? It's getting worse. She turns moods like flipping a page. As easy as 1,2,3. I don't know what else I can do. I'm at my wits end. I try to get things clear but she doesn't care to explain to me nicely. She just sorts of "screams" at me like I'm some dimwit or something. I lost everything. EVERYTHING. I'm gonna flunk my CTs cause my heart's not at the right place.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Please treat me with a little bit more love. Make me feel appreciated. I feel stupid not knowing how to answer.
Omg. You are so perfect. I am supposed to understand you but you cannot understand me?
Saturday, December 1, 2012
I'm feeling lost. It's like she no longer wants to talk to me and I feel so damn hurt. She doesn't even read my texts anymore. She says it's letting things blow over. But it doesn't seem that way. I really wonder if she likes me or not.
You'll be the girl I almost had. But I don't want to let you go. Time is the only thing i have with you. I got no future, no prospect. I am simply not the guy you need. I think it's more of I can't meet your needs than you can't meet mine. Because I'm just a failure. A terrible terrible failure. I don't know what else to do or say. Everything happened because of me. I was the cause of everything. I fucked your life, I fucked up our relationship. Now, I pay the price. I don't know if I should drive to church anymore. I don't feel like doing anything anymore.
My body is tired but my mind refuses to sleep. Events of the day keep repeating within my mind and it just scares me to know that I might lose you. Losing you to my stupidity and the non understanding of me. So many relationships, i screwed them up one by one. I fucking need to change. I need to control myself. It's not a need, it's a must. I must change. God gave me the free will and I chose to walk the wrong path. He taught me a lesson. I'm learning it the hard way. The very hard way. I not only hurt you, I hurt your parents. I failed to respect them as a factor of our relationship and the severity of them. I really am afraid. Damn afraid. You have no idea how terrible I feel now. How I wish I could disappear from the face of the earth, how I wish you would stab me through my heart. Scold me, beat me, whatever you do, put the blame on me. Pin it all on me. Perhaps I'll feel better this way. I look forward to Fridays because I get to see you. Guess the game's changed. I broke the rules and I'm paying the penalty. A heavy penalty. I should just shoot myself in the head. Maybe if I didn't existed in your life, you would be much happier.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Let it go. Just let it go. It aint worth to hold on.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sometimes I really wonder if I'm really my father's son. He never knows what I am thinking. He dorsnt even understand what I really want.