Friday, January 23, 2009
I'm beginning to feel as though my existence is just a mere facade. My presence is just a hindrance to everyone. Everybody has friends. Mine are a different kind. Mine are acquaintances. Its only "hi" and "bye" every single day. There are no friends in my life. I'm subjected to just getting "acquainted" with everyone.
Be it in school or outside school. All i get is "hi" and "bye". There's no sense of belonging to anywhere in the world except my family and to God. Other than that, it seems as though they've put a sign " Whose Bert?". I'm just another stranger in the world, that's all. I turn left, i turn right, i look forward and i look back. All i see is ppl having "real" friends. Humans who make a deal with another to spend time together and to have fun. I spend my time with acquaintances. Cliques are everywhere and I'm in none of them.
Ever since that incident, I totally feel like a loner. Doing things on my own. It used to be lunching everyday with the same ppl, without fail, someone would ask me to go. But now, not even a question asking me if i want to eat. I'm just transparent.
I'm always left in the corner of the class where i dwell in my imagination. I imagine myself in a world whereby i'm NEVER alone. There's always someone beside me, talking to me, really having a deep friendship with. Anyway, I'm really happy to be dis-illusioned in my imaginary world. I've never felt loneliness like this before. Never. Its way to pain for me to describe and my heart just yearns for some belonging...