Being the firstborn is a honour and a privillege. But wat comes with the privillege is responsibility...It isnt easy trying to keep the family in place... I noe i'm supposed to be the "head of the household when dad is not around..but it isnt that easy..even if dad is at home, i still make the decisions...

Then comes the part where everthing goes wrong and i get the blame for every single little detail...lyk the cup isnt wash and mum starts saying she'll never trust me again..then the o's thing, when i told her i was thinking of not retaking anymore she said i was out of parental-guidance and she's sending me to the church so that i can be taught a lesson...this things really hurt me..cos it isnt easy being in this position. i noe mummy's life is very tough..but it also doesnt help that my life is in a mess too...

I'm expected to do this and that and it makes me feel pressurized...I noe alot of ppl are helping me.. but wat is most important is wat i think for myself. i noe wat i wan..but there are things to consider..such as if i dunwan to retake my o's, i'll be letting mumsy down, but if i retake, i'll be lying to myself that i can do it when i actually haf no confidence...so i'm really caught in between on pleasing my parents and letting me do something that i lyk...then there's sean. hu so happens to be involved in every single thing in my evcryday life...whenever i go out, he'll haf to tag along. unless darrly's at home..

Sean's disrupting my life cause of magic..he's obsessed with magic and this is taking a big change in him... he's always watching magic videos on the internet and its my job to ask him to stop watching and do his work because it is his important year-->psle.But he's not doing wat i told him to do and this boils down to teacher calling my parents and inturn, my parents reprimand me for not asking him to do his work...

I noe its an honour to be the firstborn..but there are so many things that i cannot handle and everything just comes crashing down on me...it really hurts...i feel deeply hurt...but i still haf to put a strong front for my family...

Funny Monkey now 7:37 PM;