Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Let it go. Just let it go. It aint worth to hold on.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Sometimes I really wonder if I'm really my father's son. He never knows what I am thinking. He dorsnt even understand what I really want.
Friday, January 14, 2011
you know what? I miss holding your hands.
you know what? I miss going over to your place and do nothing.
you know what? I miss taking the bus with you.
you know what? I miss talking to you about everything.
you know what? I miss touching your lips with mine.
most of all, i miss you.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'm tired. I'm more mentally tired than physically. There's so many things on my mind that I just wish that I could just shoot myself.
There's so many things I need to think about. I've got no goals in life, no ambition. I'm fucking up my life. I try so hard to be someone that I'm not and in turn, drain myself of all the energy pretending. You know what I really am? I'm a nobody. Wanna know my true self? An introvert.
I'm living in my own world. Nobody's ever came in. It's just like a store that has no presence amongst the others. Its there but nobody knows it.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
All of a sudden, I just feel like a crap. Dont ask me why cause I've never thought about the cause.
Things just seem to get harder and harder everytime, it's as though the world is condemning my actions.
Sidetrack. I'm a possessive fellow, this I dont deny. It gets even worse when the subject is not even in my possession. I still take it as though it's mine. Being such an ass, it's natural to be disappointed so easily that it really makes me think twice about doing the things that I am doing. I'm a pessimistic person too and that doesn't help very much.
All j want to say is that I'm in a circle of pain and confusion. It's been 2 mths since I gave myself that testing period. Believe it or not, the feeling's still there. It's on a whole new level.
Here's the confusing part, should I give up, cause there's so many factors goin against me and one major obstacle is the past coming back to rejoin her life. I really don't know what to do. Everyday I wake up and ask myself if I should give up or not. It's tiring me out.
If that path is the way u wan to go, I wish you all the best. But just to let you know, I'll be sticking around of you need me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
I want to drive. But i want to drive to places where i want to go, not places where i'm supposed to go. I'm 19. What do all 19 yr olds want? A car. But i'm never gonna get it. All i can do is hear bout my friends saying how their father bought a car for them. The next best thing i hear is how their father willingly lends his car to his son. All i can do is see how my father rejects lending the car to me every single time. Do you ever think bout how i actually feel? I'm now know as a guy who has a license but no car, i don't mind. But i'm also known as the guy whose father refuses to lend his car to his son. I never asked for a car. All i asked was to borrow the car when you are not using. Is that really really very difficult to let go? Do you have any idea how sad i am everytime i get rejected? I'm never given a chance. All i hear are excuses not to lend me the car. How would you feel if you're getting rejected in the face with no apparent reasons and to cover up using nothing but lies so bad that even a kid knows its bullshit. It seems that so what if i had a license it has nothing to do with you right? you're actually wrong. It has everything to do with you. From the point you said it'll be paid by you, it had everything to do with you. In the end i paid everything with my sweat, hardwork. So how is it that you have the right to not lend me the car?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
I'm back. And this time, i'm contemplating on seriously closing down this blog. I also dun blog that often ald. and even if i do. i dun really see anyone readin it. Plus that stupiak tagboard is so freaking pathetic. haha.
Neeways. The last time i blogged was in June. that's like 4 mths hiatus. haha. Who cares anyway? :) Been to India in the past month. Fantastic trip, awesome food, best of all, the people i went with. While in india, 14 days, 3 meals a day, not a single day without curry. I'm quite astonished that i could tahan the food there. haha. Paint school, though i admit i didnt paint much. But what the heck. The trip was awesome. Pictures came in like nobody's business, i bet i got about a 1000 tags in photos.
The life there was so slow paced that it just seems so unreal. So relaxed. The first time i feel so comfortable in another country where i was deprived of modern technology. But i'm glad i survive.
Now new sem. I think it sucks ttm. I dun wish to explain why. haha.
And i think from now on, all my posts are gonna be like taht. short short de. haha.
Its pain inside of me. Do you know?